SO I HEAR
                                               trouserarousal
                                           (24/M/somerville, ma) 

3/8/01 12:17 pm

   I WALKED A LONG WAY IN THE SNOW TODAY. SNOW NEARLY FELL ON ME, OUT OF THE
TREES. SLAP! I WAS
   LUCKY THIS TIME. MY EARPLUG PHONES KEPT ME BLISSFUL AND IGNORANT.

   I AM AT WORK NOW. IT IS AIR CONDITIONED. IT GIVES STRUCTURE TO MY
DAY. STRUCTURE! NEXT DOOR
   TO EXPRESS. 







SO I SAID
                                               trouserarousal
                                           (24/M/somerville, ma) 

3/8/01 12:19 pm

   THEY GIVE US FREE COFFEE HERE. THERE'S A ROOM ALL MADE UP LIKE A FIFTIES-STYLE
DINER, WITH RED
   PLEATHER BARSTOOLS, RED FORMICA BAR COUNTER, TABLES, AND FUNKY STYLE
LAMPS. THEY CALL IT
   THE CYBER-CAFE. THAT'S WHERE THE COFFEE IS.

   IT'S PRETTY BAD COFFEE, ESPECIALLY WHEN IT HAS LITTLE BITS OF THE GROUNDS IN
IT. 







I AM A RACOOON
                                               trouserarousal
                                           (24/M/somerville, ma) 

3/8/01 12:20 pm

   THAT'S "RACOOON" WITH ONE 'C' AND THREE 'O'S. I AM NATIVE TO NORTH
AMERICA. THE INDIANS THOUGHT I
   WAS A GOD, BRAVE AND SQUAW ALIKE, BUT FOR DIFFERENT REASONS! HA HA! 

   I THRIVE NEAR HUMANS BY EATING THEIR GARBAGE. 







CARZY
                                               trouserarousal
                                           (24/M/somerville, ma) 

3/8/01 12:22 pm

   I DON'T KNOW WHY THEY HIRED A RACOOON TO WORK THIS JOB. I HAVE A LOT OF
TROUBLE TYPING, AND
   MY ATTENTION DEFICIT HYPERACTIVITY DISORDER KNOWS NO BOUNDS.

   CAPS LOCK AIN'T JUST A RANK IN THE ARMY. 







SUBMARINE STYLE
                                               trouserarousal
                                           (24/M/somerville, ma) 

3/8/01 12:23 pm

   THAT'S SLANG FOR, YOU KNOW, HIPSTERS WITH A PARTICULAR PREFERENCE. IN THE
SACK. 

   SOMETIMES PEOPLE PUT RACOOONS IN SACKS. 








AND THEN
                                               trouserarousal
                                           (24/M/somerville, ma) 

3/8/01 12:24 pm

   IT GETS TO WHERE YOUNG RACOOONS FETISHIZE SACKS. THEY DRAG 'EM UP TO THE TOPS
OF TREES
   AND MAKE OUT INSIDE, AND THE COP RACOOONS HAVE TO GO UP THERE AND SHINE A
FLASHLIGHT INSIDE.
   MOTHER OF GOD! I DIDN'T THINK IT WAS PHYSIOLOGICALLY POSSIBLE FOR-- 







Date: Thu, 8 Mar 2001 12:34:26 -0500 (EST)
From: leroy king 
To: LEROY THE RACOOON 
Subject: WHEREISSTEWARTKING?


I SURE AS HELL CAN'T FIND HIM OUTSIDE IN THE BUSHES.  AND HE'S USUALLY OUT
THERE.  I DON'T LIKE TO LET ON WHAT HE'S DOING, BUT IT'S A GOOD THING HE'S
IN THOSE BUSHES, UNDERSTAND?  THIS IS POLITE COMPANY.  YOU HAVE TO KEEP
YOUR HEAD ON YOUR SHOULDERS AND MAKE SOME LEAPS OF LOGIC ON YOUR OWN.  YOU
KNOW, REASONING.

RACOOONS SUCK AT REASONING.  IF YOU PUT A SHINY PIECE OF FOIL IN A HOLE IN
A LOG AND THEN DRIVE NAILS INTO IT, A RACOOON WILL STICK ITS HAND INSIDE
TO GRAB THE FOIL AND NOT LET GO EVEN THOUGH IT CAN'T GET ITS HAND BACK OUT
PAST THE NAILS UNLESS IT STOPS MAKING A FIST.  STUPID!  JUST LET GO,
MOTHERFUCKER!  BUT THEY CAN'T DO IT!  THAT'S WHY WHEN I STARTED TALKING TO
PEOPLE, I TENDED TO SPELL EVERYTHING OUT ALL EXPLICIT-LIKE, BECAUSE I'M
USED TO TALKING TO OTHER RACOOONS.  BUT PEOPLE GET ALL PISSED OFF
SOMETIMES IF YOU SAY SHIT OUT LOUD ABOUT HOW YOU SAW THEM FUCKING THEIR
ROOMMATE'S GIRLFRIEND IN THE SHOWER LAST NIGHT!  I DON'T GET IT, BUT I
PLAY ALONG!

RACOOONS, WE JUST SAY FUCK IT AND DRIVE.  WELL, LATER KIDS, AND I EXPECT
SOME RESPONSES!  THE RACOOON IS A VERY SOCIAL ANIMAL!  CHECK OUT THE CLUB
TOO, I'M A NATIVE!  WORD UP, OUT AND AWAY!



CATOBLEPAS






Date: Fri, 9 Mar 2001 16:08:35 -0500 (EST)
From: leroy king 
To: george 
Subject: Re: your mail


On Fri, 9 Mar 2001, george wrote:

> hullo.

HI.  ERSTWHILE RACOOON SPEAKING.

> how are you?

I'M BARELY TOLERABLE.  HOW ABOUT YOURSELF!

> i am fine.

EXCELLENT!  WHY NOT EAT SOME GRUBS?

> what are you doing this fine evening?

OH, I'M JUST WATCHING THE LADIES FALL INTO SNOWDRIFTS AND LAUGHING MY TAIL
OFF AT THEM!  I HOPE I GET SOME PLAY OUT OF IT BUT I'M NOT HOLDING MY
BREATH, FRIEND!  THIS KIND OF FREE-RANGE SNATCH IS EXTREMELY FAST ON ITS
FEET!  AND SLIPPERY WEATHER MAKES IT DOUBLY HARD TO CAPTURE!

> i think that thebaby will be coming over, or something.  i'm trying to
> think of clever things to do.  maybe a movie?  wanna come out and play,
> too?

HODGE WANTS TO SEE 'IN THE MOOD FOR LOVE' BUT THAT'S ONE OF THOSE ARTY
MOVIES SO I'D UNDERSTAND IF PEOPLE WEREN'T IN THE MOOD FOR IT.  CHRIST, I
DIDN'T EVEN SEE THAT COMING.  "IN THE MOOD", GET IT?  FUCK OFF.  I WOULD
LIKE TO DO SOMETHING WITH YALL, BUT I'M BOOKED PRETTY HEAVY THIS WEEKEND -
THE RED SOX ARE ON TV SATURDAY DURING THE DAY, SKETCHFEST AT THE RAVERS'
SATURDAY NIGHT, SKETCHFEST AT CHARLIE'S SUNDAY NIGHT AND THAT POSTERING
EXPEDITION HAS TO FIT SOMEWHERE PLUS THE HODGE KAR-WAI THING.  

GIVE ME YOUR THOUGHTS.






Date: Fri, 9 Mar 2001 17:38:55 -0500 (EST)
From: george 
To: leroy king 
Subject: Re: your mail

Today, leroy king wrote:
> I'M BARELY TOLERABLE.  HOW ABOUT YOURSELF!

slippingorsomethinglikethattoomuchtimealoneinmyapartmentbraingoboom

> EXCELLENT!  WHY NOT EAT SOME GRUBS?

grubsarenotfoodgrubsarefriendsiaminsultedthatyouwouldevensuggestit

> THIS KIND OF FREE-RANGE SNATCH IS EXTREMELY FAST ON ITS
> FEET!  AND SLIPPERY WEATHER MAKES IT DOUBLY HARD TO CAPTURE!

whychaseafterwhatyoualreadyhavesillyracooon

> LIKE TO DO SOMETHING WITH YALL, BUT I'M BOOKED PRETTY HEAVY THIS WEEKEND -

busyracooonhasnotimeformuskrat

> GIVE ME YOUR THOUGHTS.

givenogivethoughtsbarterbarteronlyforthoughtsperhapsyouhavesomeraisins
racooongivetwoplumpraisinstomeandiwillgiveyouthoughts

thinkthatnopunctuationandspacesevenmoreannoyingthanallcaps


Date: Fri, 9 Mar 2001 18:03:35 -0500 (EST)
From: leroy king 
To: george 
Subject: Re: your mail


> slippingorsomethinglikethattoomuchtimealoneinmyapartmentbraingoboom

I KNOW THE FEELING.  YESTERDAY I WAS SUPPOSED TO CREATE SIX PAGES AT
WORK.  DO YOU WANT TO GUESS HOW MANY I ACTUALLY MADE?  THAT'S RIGHT!  I
COULDN'T CONCENTRATE WORTH A DAMN.  EVENTUALLY MY HANDS STARTED TO
SHAKE.  I COULDN'T EVEN SLEEP IT OFF, SO THIS MORNING I HAD TO RESORT TO
CIGARETTES.  THAT WORKED ALL MORNING, BUT WHEN I SMOKED ANOTHER ONE AFTER
LUNCH I FELT LIKE MY BRAIN STARTED TO MELT.  NO JOKE, I ALMOST PASSED OUT
IN THE MIDDLE OF THE STREET RIGHT IN FRONT OF THE CHERI.  THE TAXIS WOULD
NOT HAVE EVEN SLOWED DOWN.

PRETTY FUCKED UP.  I THINK THERE'S SOMETHING WRONG WITH MY BRAIN.

> busyracooonhasnotimeformuskrat

NO, COME ON!  LET'S DO IT.  DOES THE BABY LIKE GOOK MOVIES?

> givenogivethoughtsbarterbarteronlyforthoughtsperhapsyouhavesomeraisins
> racooongivetwoplumpraisinstomeandiwillgiveyouthoughts

YES, I HAVE RAISINS.  GIVE ME YOUR THOUGHTS.



Date: Fri, 9 Mar 2001 18:11:11 -0500 (EST)
From: george 
To: leroy king 
Subject: Re: your mail

holyfuckingshitanimeisamazing

blue submarine number 6

lookitupitisoncartoonnetworkrightnowveryverypretty

Today, leroy king wrote:
> PRETTY FUCKED UP.  I THINK THERE'S SOMETHING WRONG WITH MY BRAIN.

nonotatallsaymuskrat

> NO, COME ON!  LET'S DO IT.  DOES THE BABY LIKE GOOK MOVIES?

noideaiwillaskhimwhenhecalls

itissnowingagainwhichmaycauseaproblemidonotwanttobetrappedatossipeeagain

tookmeforevertodigmycaroutlasttime

> YES, I HAVE RAISINS.  GIVE ME YOUR THOUGHTS.

notsurewhatifeellikedoingperhapsmovieisnotabadidea

thenagainiamverydistrustfulofthesnow

muskratnolikesnow

givemeacallwhenyougetoutofwork

thebabyemailsimustgoreaditnowiwilltalktoyoulater